


Love, Hatter

by Brumeier



Category: Alice (2009)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Letters, Love, Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-06
Updated: 2013-09-05
Packaged: 2017-12-25 18:34:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 10,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/956363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brumeier/pseuds/Brumeier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post movie. Alice is still having intimacy issues, and drives Hatter away. He communicates to her through postcards while she tries to get a handle on things and get back the man she loves.</p><p>Originally posted on FanFic.net</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Leaving

**Author's Note:**

> **Standard Disclaimer:** I don’t own these characters, though by now I feel like I should! LOL!

Hatter was angry, mostly with Alice but also with himself. He’d known well enough that Alice was working through a lot of personal issues. She wasn’t going to be able to erase ten years worth of dysfunction after three days in Wonderland, no matter how many times she faced her fears. He knew this before he stepped through the Looking Glass. He _knew_ it.

But knowing and experiencing were two different things, it seemed. Even a month later Alice was still holding herself back and picking fights with him. Things had gone well at first, but the longer Hatter stayed it seemed the more unpredictable Alice became. Her moods were shifty. She would rarely spend the night at his flat. She alternated between wanting to spend every minute with him, and then ignoring him for days at a time. 

He’d reached his breaking point.

*o*o*o*

“I’m going out of town for the weekend,” Alice said. “The dojo is doing some demonstrations at a martial arts expo in Connecticut.”

“Maybe I’ll tag along,” Hatter said. He loved to watch her training a class. Plus, there was the added benefit of seeing something of the Oyster world besides the city.

“You’d be bored,” Alice said dismissively.

“I like watching you, love. You look cute in your white pajamas.”

“It’s a gi,” Alice corrected. She was always correcting. “Honestly, Hatter, you don’t need to come.”

“Don’t you want me to come?” Hatter had asked, even though he knew the answer. He could see it in the hard line of her mouth and the stiffness in her shoulders. He couldn’t stop himself from pushing, though.

“We don’t need to spend every damn minute together,” she snapped.

Hatter clenched his fists, struggling to keep his temper. When Alice was in a good mood, she could be so sweet and loving. But more and more she was snippy and snarly and overly critical. He was tired of it.

“What are you doing, Alice?” he asked. “Why do you have to push at me? Do you want me to leave?”

“Are you threatening me?” Alice turned on him and he could see the anger in her face. But he could also read the fear in her eyes.

“I just want to know why I left everything behind to be with you, when you clearly don’t want me here.” Hatter cast an eye to the door, his thoughts already on escaping.

“Stop throwing that in my face,” Alice said. “Stop trying to make me feel guilty.”

“I love you, Alice. I’m here because I love you. Why can’t you trust in that?” But Hatter already knew the answer to that question. She’d trusted him completely, once upon a time. But the old habits were too easy and she’d slipped right back into them. She was afraid he would leave her, and it would hurt less if she forced him to go because then it was something she could control.

Hatter had already had a lengthy conversation with Alice’s mother about all of this. Carol wanted Alice to go back for counseling, but Alice thought she was too strong for that; she didn’t need any help. Hatter loved her, he did, and he wanted to help her, but he was tired of being her whipping boy.

“Do you love me, Alice?” He hated asking that, hated that he had to. Alice had never said the words, and she didn’t say them now; she just turned away, her shoulders hunched. Hatter’s chest was painfully tight.

“I can’t do this anymore, Alice,” he said softly. “I love you, but you’re tearing me apart.”

“So you’re just going to go?” Alice asked without turning around, her voice thick with tears.

“Yeah.” Fighting against the tears in his own eyes, Hatter turned and walked out of the apartment, shutting the door quietly behind him. He didn’t feel much for going back to his own flat, at least not right now, and so he decided to take a walk and think of what he wanted to do next.

*o*o*o*

Carol met Hatter at the train station, as he’d asked her to. It had only taken him a day to pack up his few belongings and put them in storage. He had a duffle bag full of clothes, all of his Oyster paperwork, and his old porkpie hat. It was all he needed, and he could have just slipped away, but he wanted to talk with Carol first.

They sat together on a bench inside Penn Station, neither one of them talking for a moment. It was Carol who broke the silence.

“I’m sorry you’re leaving, David. I wish things had worked out differently.”

“I’ve not given up on Alice,” Hatter assured her. “I just need…I need space. And she does as well.”

“What will you do?”

“You’ve a big country here. I’d like to see some of it.” Hatter had in fact sat down with an atlas the night before, taking in the size of this part of the Oyster world. 

There were so many things to see here, and he wanted to see them. He wanted to know if there was more for him here than just Alice.

“Do you have enough money?” Carol asked.

“Jack left me a nice account at the bank,” Hatter assured her. “I’ll be fine.”

Carol startled Hatter by taking his hand and squeezing it in her own. “If you need anything – _anything_ – you call me.”

“I will. I promise.” Hatter gave her a kiss on the cheek, then stood with his duffle bag in hand.

“You’re a good boy, David. Be careful out there.”

Hatter grinned and nodded. He walked a few feet, then turned and waved back at her. Carol returned the wave, and Hatter was glad he’d had the chance to say goodbye to her. He headed to the terminal, and the train that would take him north. And he hoped he’d have something to come back for when his trip was over.

*o*o*o*

Alice went to Hatter’s apartment, intent on apologizing. She’d had time to think during the trip to Connecticut and she knew she was being unreasonable. She knew Hatter had every right to be angry with her. Hell, even her own mother was angry about the way she’d been acting.

It was just that the cost was so high this time. She loved Hatter – so very much – but with that there was such a huge chance for pain. Especially with him. He wasn’t from her world, had no ties here save her. If she opened herself up, told him how she couldn’t live without him, then what happened when he decided he missed Wonderland too much and went home? She couldn’t live there, in that crazy, dangerous place. Not even for him.

Alice knocked on Hatter’s door, but there was no answer from within. So she used her spare key, noting grimly that while he’d given her a key to his place the first week he’d been there, she still hadn’t reciprocated. 

“Hatter?” Alice called as she walked in. She knew he wasn’t there; the apartment had an empty feel. Still, she wandered around it looking for the little touches he’d added. And finding none. In a panic, she went to his bedroom and slid open the closet door. The hangers were empty, the hat boxes gone.

“Hatter!” Alice sat on the edge of the bed, barely noticing that the sheets had been stripped from the mattress. He’d left her. He said he was leaving, and he did. Just as she’d feared he would, from the day he’d come through the Glass. And now she could see it had been something of a self-fulfilling prophecy; she’d been so sure he wouldn’t stay that she’d driven him away.

Alice put her head in her hands and began to cry. She’d ruined it again, just like she always did. Only this time she’d had a chance at something really great, with someone who loved her more than anything else in the world. Hatter was gone, and there was no way for her to say that she was sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **AN:** Ah, such a depressing start! In this version of Alice, she’s obviously still working through her intimacy and abandonment issues. And I figured that Hatter would only be so patient with that kind of nonsense. I like to think of his actions in this story as tough love.
> 
> This fic was inspired by the song _It’s All Coming Back To Me Now_ , by Meatloaf. I listened to it and wondered how it could be applied to Alice and Hatter. Voila! A story is born!


	2. Maine

The first postcard arrived a week after Hatter had left. Alice had spent that week in a depressive slump, dragging herself back and forth to the dojo and doing little else with the remainder of her time. Having her mother give her the equivalent of a verbal slap in the face hadn’t made anything easier; Carol had taken to Hatter and was very clear in the fact that her daughter had really screwed up this time.

“Mail for you.” Carol handed her the post card and gave her hard look before walking back out of her room. 

Alice looked at the front of the card. It had a picture of a tacky looking statue of Paul Bunyan and said BANGOR across the bottom. Alice, who was more than passingly familiar with maps, knew that was in Maine. Who did she know in Maine?

When she flipped over the postcard, her breath caught. She’d recognize that spiky handwriting anywhere. What the hell was Hatter doing in Maine? She’d assumed he gone home to Wonderland.

_I miss you, Alice. I know you think I went back, but there’s nothing for me there. Maine is lovely, if a bit chill this time of year. People here don’t say much. I’ve bought a car, and a nice man named Nick helped me learn to drive it. Much easier than a Flamingo, yeah? One of my new favorite foods is this stuff they call chowder. It’s like soup. Do you have chowder in New York? I’ll write again once I decide where to go. Don’t forget me. Love, Hatter_

Alice read the postcard over three more times, until she couldn’t see it anymore through the tears in her eyes. Hatter bought a car? He’d been wanting one, but Alice had told him repeatedly that there was no use for one in the city, and she hadn’t wanted to teach him how to drive anyway. Just more selfishness on her part; if he had a car, he could hop in it and go whenever he wanted to. Which he was apparently now doing.

“Sounds like he’s taking a trip,” Carol said from the hall. 

“I thought he went back,” Alice said. “Why didn’t he?”

Carol came to stand in the doorway. “Maybe he’s trying to find something. Maybe, when he’s ready, he’ll come back.”

“I don’t know,” Alice sniffled. “Why would he?”

“He loves you Alice,” Carol said softly. “If he didn’t, he wouldn’t have written.”

“If he loved me he wouldn’t have left,” Alice said stubbornly. Carol threw her hands in the air in defeat and walked away. Alice stuck the postcard to her bulletin board, and wondered if Hatter had gone to see that ridiculous statue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **AN:** Ah! Postcards from Hatter! Most of the rest of the chapters will follow the format of this one. Please be advised that almost every spot that Hatter visits is a real place. Thank you, Google!


	3. Massachusetts

A week later another postcard arrived, this one with a witch flying on a broomstick. It was from Salem, Massachusetts. Alice had convinced herself that she wouldn’t be hearing from Hatter again, that the last postcard had just been another way to say goodbye. But now that one had come, she eagerly read the back, so hungry for his words.

_I miss you, Alice. Have you ever been to Salem? This place is brilliant! Witches everywhere. I talked to one named Rose. She was going to give me a love potion to send you but I don’t want some other guy getting all the good from it. I visited the Witch Museum – those religious nug faces sure gave them a working over. Put me in mind of…well, you can guess. You Oysters certainly have an interesting history. I’m leaving tomorrow, will write again soon. Love, Hatter_

Alice hung this postcard next to the other and just stared at them for a long time. What was he doing? Why was he sending her these postcards? Maybe he was punishing her. It’s not like she didn’t deserve it.

She couldn’t believe how much she missed him. In the short month they’d been together, she’d grown accustomed to having him around. Alice had gotten used to the taste of tea, as well as the taste of Hatter himself; that man could kiss you blind. And still she’d pushed him away. She supposed she’d gotten used to him taking her crap, as well.

Alice closed her eyes, feeling miserable and alone.

“David’s in Massachusetts?” Carol asked from the doorway.

“So it would seem,” Alice replied without opening her eyes.

“Are you going to keep moping around here and snarling at me? Or are you going to make a decision.”

Alice looked at her mother, frowning. “What decision?”

“You can keep being angry and sad and bitter,” Carol said, not unkindly. “Or you can make the choice to change. Go back to counseling, Alice. Let someone help you.”

As always, the mere mention of counseling put Alice’s hackles up. She’d been doing just fine on her own, she didn’t need to pour her heart out to some stranger.

“I’m doing okay,” Alice insisted.

Carol shook her head. “No, you’re not. I only hope you realize it before you lose David for good.”

With that parting shot, Carol took her leave. Alice stared after her, frowning. Her mother had known Hatter for all of one month, why was she on his side? It was unfair. The whole situation was unfair. Alice took another look at the postcards tacked up on the board, then grabbed her duffle bag. She needed to go to the dojo and work out some of her frustrations.

It was the only decision she felt like making today.


	4. Washington, DC

Alice found herself anxiously awaiting each mail delivery, hoping for another postcard from Hatter. She wished he had a phone, so that she could call him and hear his voice. Oh, how she missed his voice. Missed hearing him tell her how much he loved her. Why couldn’t she ever say it back?

When the next postcard finally arrived, it had a picture of the Vietnam Memorial on the front. Alice had been there once on an elementary school trip, something she only had vague impressions of. Her clearest memory from that day was of seeing a homeless man peeing on the sidewalk.

_I miss you, Alice. Your capitol is so big! Monuments and statues everywhere, and so much history behind each one. I saw the house where the president lives, and other places from the movie we watched about the treasure hunters. The wall with the names on it is my favorite, though. I talked with a man who fought in that war and it was heart wrenching to be honest. It’s nice how you Oysters build these memorials so that no-one forgets. I hope you haven’t forgotten me. Love, Hatter._

Alice smiled. She could just see Hatter starting up a conversation with a Vietnam veteran, and at the memorial no less. For the first time she wished she was with him on this trip. Not so much to see what he was seeing, but to watch his reactions to everything. It was all so new to him.

After another read-through, Alice started to put the postcard on the bulletin board. But she paused, considering for a moment, and then went to her closet. She pulled out a rolled-up map of the United States, the first map she’d used when she’d started looking for her father.

Alice put the map up on the bulletin board, then dug around in her desk drawer for the pins. She put one in Bangor, one in Salem, and one in Washington DC, and hung the postcards up on the outside edges. Now she could track Hatter, have a visual of his trip.

“Oh, Alice…” Carol said when she saw the map. Alice looked away from the pity in her eyes.

“It’s not like last time,” Alice said. “I just…I need some kind of connection to him.”

“I hate to see you do this to yourself, sweetie.” Carol set something down on Alice’s desk. “Think about it. Please.”

When her mother left, Alice looked down at the business card.

_Dee Faleen, Licensed Counselor_

She was tempted to toss it straight into the trash, but then she looked back up at the map. And she thought about how every postcard Hatter had sent started with him missing her.

And she thought…maybe it wasn’t too late.


	5. North Carolina

Hatter’s next postcard was waiting on the hall table when Alice got home. There was a photo of a civil war reenactment on the front, but no indication of where it was from. She flipped it over, the sight of Hatter’s handwriting giving her a little thrill like it always did, and read the small print in the upper corner. Bentonville Battlefield State Historic Site. He was in North Carolina.

Alice carried the card to her room and sat down on her bed. For just a moment she held it in her hand and thought that not very long ago Hatter had been holding it in his. Feeling extremely foolish, she sniffed at the postcard to see if there was any of his scent on it; there wasn’t.

_I miss you, Alice. I walked around a big field today. There was a battle here during your Civil War. Strange, that Oysters would preserve a battle field. I don’t think they’re giving tours where the Casino stood, yeah? A lovely woman named Rue told me about the fighting and someone named Sherman, a right fierce general or something. Wherever I drive, I see signs for monuments and memorials. So much of the past is alive here. I wish I could see it with you. Love, Hatter._

A new fear now, to add to the others. What if Hatter met someone on his trip? There were plenty of women out there who’d love to snatch him up, women who would treat him far better than she had. Alice was suddenly swamped with despair. That was _her_ Hatter out there and she didn’t want to share him with anyone.

“Alice. I didn’t hear you come in.” Carol leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed. “How did it go today?”

“Okay. I guess.” Alice rested her elbows on her knees. “Dee seems nice. Talks a lot, though.”

“Well, I’m proud of you. You’ve committed to a plan.” Carol came in and sat beside her on the bed. “This is a good thing, Alice.”

Alice rested her head on her mother’s shoulder.

“What if he finds someone? While he’s out there.”

“He won’t find anyone, sweetie. He’s not looking for anyone. David only wants you.” Carol put an arm around her and gave her a squeeze. “When you’re ready, I’m sure he’ll come back.”

Alice didn’t fully believe that, but took some comfort from it anyway. She wanted it to be true. It firmed her resolve to keep her weekly counseling appointments, to work hard to become a person worthy of Hatter’s love. She wanted him back. She wanted to make up for everything she’d done and said.

She wanted another chance.


	6. Tennessee

It was an unusually late night for Alice. Her fellow instructors at the dojo had insisted she join them for dinner and drinks, and she’d relented. Part of her counseling homework was to cultivate other friendships and have more of a life outside her apartment. Dee assured her that this would only help to strengthen her relationship with Hatter, when he returned.

Alice slipped through the front door, trying hard to be quiet and failing. She was a little tipsy from too much wine, and kept giving herself the giggles. She secured the door, dropped her duffle on the floor and stumbled back to her room. With a sigh, she kicked off her shoes and dropped down on the bed, falling quickly asleep.

When she woke it was just getting light out. She looked blearily at the clock. It was just after five am. Alice started to pull her pillow over her head, then her eye fell on the postcard that had been propped up against her computer on the desk. Fumbling for a moment with her sheets, she finally was able to run across the room, snatch the postcard, and run back to her bed. She turned the bedside light on and laughed.

The front of the postcard showed Graceland. Hatter, who knew almost nothing of Oyster music, had gone to see Elvis Presley’s home in Memphis.

_I miss you, Alice. This is a lovely state. Have you been here? When I asked what I should see, everyone told me to come to this house. It’s rather grand, and fancy as the Palace inside. I thought this Elvis was someone important, like a king, but all he did was sing. I don’t know why anyone would want to look around the house of a dead man like this – it’s a bit creepy. I’ll have to find some of these Elvis songs and give them a listen. Every night I lie in bed and wish you were beside me. Love, Hatter._

A tear tracked its way down Alice’s cheek, but she brushed it away. She didn’t want to cry, she wanted to read and re-read Hatter’s words. With one sentence he’d rendered her breathless.

_Every night I lie in bed and wish you were beside me._

And, oh how Alice wished that too. It was lonely here in her bed without Hatter’s solid warmth, his arms pulling her close against his chest. She was filled with regret for all the nights she’d gotten out of his bed and gone home, wanting to put some distance between them. Now there was too much distance, too much emptiness, and she wished she could go back and do it all over.

“I miss you too, Hatter,” Alice whispered. She turned off the light and slipped the postcard under her pillow. Maybe if she went back to sleep she could have a dream about him. She tugged her extra pillow out from under her head and pulled it around in front of her, hugging it tightly.

If only she could be hugging Hatter instead.


	7. Missouri

Alice’s eyes were red and puffy from crying when she came through the door. Carol, who had been arranging a bouquet of flowers in the living room, looked up and frowned.

“Alice? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Rough session today.”

Carol came and gave her a hug, smoothing her hair with one hand. “How do you feel?”

“Stupid.” Alice hugged her mom back, relishing the warm embrace of someone who loved her. “We did role playing today, and I had to be Hatter.”

She pulled back from her mother and went over to fidget with the flowers herself. “Why did Hatter stay with me so long? I treated him so horribly.”

“He loves you,” Carol said. “And he understands that the way you act sometimes isn’t your fault. When Daddy disappeared, it changed you, and not always in good ways.”

Alice laughed. “Why am I paying a counselor when I could just talk to you?”

“Because you’ll listen to her more than you’ll listen to me.”

“I’m sorry, Mom.” Alice turned away from the flowers, clasping her hands tightly together. 

“Don’t be sorry. I can’t be everything you need, Alice.” Carol grinned. “But I can be your mailman. Another postcard came today.”

She held it out to Alice, who hesitated only a moment before walking over to take it. There was a picture of a cavern, dripping with water and stalactites. Fantastic Caverns – Springfield, it said on the back.

Alice gave her mother a kiss on the cheek. “I love you, Mom.”

“I love you too, sweetie. Dinner will be ready in an hour.” Carol headed off the kitchen, and Alice went to her room to read Hatter’s latest note.

_I miss you, Alice. I took a tour through these caves today. It was nothing like the caves back home, which are small and not at all grand. These caves were so large that they have a tram to take you through them. It would be a good place to come alone. It’s so quiet. A person could really think here. But I had to go with a group. The guide, Cate, offered me a private tour, but I didn’t like the way she was looking at me. Do you have a place to go and think? I do most of mine in the car now. And I’ve learned how to change a flat tire. Love, Hatter._

Alice was worried. Not because a tour guide wanted to get Hatter alone – she was sure that happened quite often – but because he had to learn to change a flat tire. Had the car broken down? Was he on the highway or a back road? There were a lot of people out there who would take advantage of a stranded motorist, and the only defense Hatter had was his sledgehammer hand. Alice had seen him fight enough times in Wonderland to know how ineffective that could be.

What if something terrible happened to him on this trip? What if the postcards stopped coming? It’s not like she knew where he was. Suddenly the idea of Hatter disappearing like her father took hold of her and she couldn’t shake it. She couldn’t spend another ten years tied to a map, looking for even a trace of someone she’d loved and lost.

When it started getting hard for her to breathe, Alice fished out her cell phone and dialed up her counselor.


	8. Arkansas

It was storming outside, and classes at the dojo had been canceled for the day. The rain was coming down in sheets, flooding out the gutters and making it hard to get around out on the street. Occasionally a rumble of thunder would rattle the window panes. It was a perfect staying in day, and Alice was curled up on the couch with a mystery novel and a cup of hot chocolate.

Carol came in, wiping her hands on a dishtowel. “I was thinking it might be a good pie day. What do you think?”

Alice looked up from her book. “Apple?”

“That’s what I was thinking.” Carol grinned. “How’s the book?”

“It’s okay. I think I already know who the murderer is.” Alice shrugged. “Do you need help peeling apples?”

“No, I’m good. Oh, could you check the mail? I hope Henry was able to get through in all this.” Carol gestured to the window.

“Let me just finish this chapter,” Alice said. Carol went back to the kitchen and Alice read, eyes narrowing as she realized her pick for the murderer had just been murdered. Oh, well, that’s why she wasn’t a detective.

Alice was wearing slipper socks, and deemed those good enough for going out to the lobby to get the mail. She took the key from the hall table and went out the front door and down one flight of stairs. The mailboxes were recessed into the wall and carefully labeled for each tenant; there were only four.

Henry had indeed made it through, and Alice slid out the stack of mail. Bill, bill, letter from Aunt Debbie, flyer for an art show at the Teal Moose Gallery featuring some artist named Raeni…ah! A postcard from Hatter! Alice sat in the little straight-backed chair in the lobby and set the rest of the mail in her lap.

The latest note from Hatter came on a postcard that showed a man on horseback silhouetted against the setting sun, atop a wooded hill. It was the prettiest one he’d sent her so far. Alice looked on the back to see where it had come from. 

Starling Horse Camp – Devil’s Den State Park, AR

_I miss you, Alice. Yesterday was a great day. I found this horse camp, and got to ride through one of the state parks. I’d forgotten how much I enjoyed riding. My horse, Silver Spirit, was lovely. Put me in mind of Guinevere. Remember that ride? I wish you’d been with me on this one. The park was beautiful, and it was so warm. The husband and wife who run the camp, Kitty and Mel, let me spend the night in their guest cabin. You could hear a pin drop out here, it’s so quiet. Are you still angry with me for leaving? I’m not angry. Just lonely. Love, Hatter._

Alice gathered up the mail and headed back up the stairs. Was she still feeling angry? Yes, she supposed she was, just a little. In her counseling sessions she was working on coming to grips with why Hatter had felt he had to leave. She was working on understanding his needs, and not just worrying about her own.

It made her heart ache, his admitting he was lonely. The kind of trip he was on was one that should be made with a friend. Someone to share all the fun and frustrations with. Someone to take your picture in front of breathtaking vistas and cheesy tourist traps. Hatter was doing it all on his own, and it made her feel sad. And guilty.

“I’m lonely too,” Alice whispered as she got to her door. “I miss you so much, Hatter.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **AN:** The amazing Catesy has found the perfect theme song to this fic. You need to listen to it immediately, and bask in the awesomeness and appropriateness. The song is called Ready When You Are, by Trapt. Listen to it. Now. Seriously. ::grins::


	9. Louisiana

Alice was feeling good. She’s spent the day in the city shopping with one of her old college buddies, Alaina. They had a date for Saturday to see a Broadway show, something Alice hadn’t done in a very long time. She was feeling better than she had in a very long time, at least as good as the day Hatter had shown up at her apartment and kissed her senseless.

To make the day even more perfect, there was a postcard waiting for her in the mailbox. She didn’t need to flip the picture of Bourbon Street to see where Hatter was. New Orleans. Somehow that seemed like the perfect destination for him; lots of the strange and unusual to be had there. Or so she’d been told. It struck Alice as funny that she’d lived in the US all her life, but now this Tea salesman from Wonderland was seeing so much more of it than she ever had.

Carol was out for the evening at one of her charity functions, so Alice had the apartment to herself. She dumped her packages in the bedroom, fixed herself a cup of tea, and settled down to read Hatter’s postcard.

_I miss you, Alice. I’ve just spent three days here and could spend three months and not see it all. This city is amazing. I went on a ghost tour, a cemetery tour (I’ve never seen the dead buried that way), and listened to people play music in Jackson Square. I bought some CDs for the car. The food is good. How come we never had shrimp before? I had some on a sandwich and it was brilliant! I went to this big house – plantation? – and it had this old road lined with ancient looking trees. You’d look lovely, standing there. In a dress, maybe. I wish I had a picture of you. Love, Hatter._

Alice grinned. She’d just known Hatter would like New Orleans. It sounded like he was amassing quite a CD collection as well. On impulse, Alice went back to her room and booted up her laptop. She looked up plantations in New Orleans, clicking through pictures until she thought she’d found the one Hatter had gone to. Oak Alley Plantation.

It really was quite lovely, the avenue of old oaks. She tried to imagine being there with Hatter, running through the trees with him. The thought made her wistful. Just for something to do, she clicked her way through the photo gallery.

She wished, as Hatter did, that they’d taken pictures of each other. Or some together. In the month he’d been with her, they just hadn’t thought of it. Not that it really mattered, because Alice could pull up his face so clearly in her mind. His crazy hair, that sly twinkle in his chocolate brown eyes.

With a gasp, Alice’s hand froze on the wireless mouse. There he was, in the Oak Alley photo gallery, smiling out at her in the middle of a tour group. For a moment she couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move. Hatter. Her Hatter. Her eyes drank him in greedily, taking in as much detail as the low res picture would offer.

He looked happy. His arm was slung over the shoulder of a teenage boy. His porkpie hat was perched atop his head at a jaunty angle. For a wonder, he was actually wearing shorts; they were green cargo shorts that fell to his knees. A concession to the heat, no doubt. Still, he looked strange in shorts and sneakers. At least his shirt was somewhat of the norm – short sleeved with buttons all the way down the front, in a loud orange paisley pattern.

Without even thinking about it, Alice right clicked on the picture and saved it to her laptop. She’d print it out later and tack it to the bulletin board, along with the postcard. For right now, she just kept starting at the screen. And letting the tears fall.

God, how she missed him.


	10. Texas Part One

The city was in the grips of a heat wave and Alice was pretty sure she was going to melt into a puddle of goo. The old air conditioner was wheezing in the living room window, and she and her mother had set up fans at every possible location through the apartment. Carol had suggested they go to the beach, but Alice had nixed that; half the population of New York City would be there, crowding the sand and surf.

Instead, Alice and her mother went to use the pool at the Senior Center. Carol was friends with the director, and they both knew some of the seniors that frequented the old brick building. Not a lot of people knew that there was an in-ground pool in the basement, and so it wasn’t at all crowded.

Alice floated on her back, luxuriating in the feel of the cool water. Carol swam some laps before she, too, relaxed and floated. They shared a companionable silence for a while, listening to the water lapping against the tile and the murmured conversations of the handful of seniors that sat at the end of the pool, near the steps.

“I wonder where he’s going next,” Alice murmured. 

“My guess would be west. Texas, maybe?” Carol rolled off her back to tread water. 

“Yeah, that’s what I was thinking too.” Alice sighed. “I wish I knew exactly where he was. I’d go there.”

“What would you tell him?” Carol asked softly.

Alice closed her eyes. “I’d tell him that I was sorry. That I love him, and I don’t ever want us to be apart again.”

“So you’ve decided, then?”

“Yes,” Alice said. And she felt so light, saying it, admitting it. She had made her choice. Waiting for Hatter to return was going to kill her, though. She’d thought maybe he’d call, but he hadn’t. Not once. Maybe he was afraid to talk to her, afraid she hadn’t changed in his absence. She had a lot to apologize for.

When Alice and Carol returned from the pool, feeling quite refreshed, there was a postcard waiting. The front had a picture of a beach and was emblazoned with the words South Padre Island. Her mother was right; Hatter was in Texas.

_I miss you, Alice. This is a big state. Lot of big hats. This little island is something. Lots of beach, and girls in their scanties. Don’t worry, none of them compare to you. I went helmet diving with someone who calls herself Scuba Girl – she had pink hair. It’s very strange, being under the water like that. But also quite lovely. Have you ever drunk out of a coconut? They make some tasty drinks here. Lots of partying, but that’s not my thing anymore. Not without you. Nothing is as good without you. Love, Hatter._

Alice clutched the postcard to her chest. She couldn’t agree more; nothing was as good without Hatter. If she’d only realized it sooner. She wondered if he was finding what he was looking for on his journey. He was certainly experiencing new things, and meeting new people. But what was he searching for, exactly? She knew Hatter loved her; he’d never been anything but upfront about his feelings for her. She wished she knew what he was thinking.

She wished she could be with him, more than anything.


	11. Texas Part Two

Alice was annoyed. There was a new instructor at the dojo, hired primarily for jiu jitsu classes, and he wouldn’t leave her alone. His name was Kyle and it seemed like he was right in her face every time she turned around. She told him she had a serious boyfriend, but since she was unable to produce him that argument had held no weight. The dojo had always been one of her happy places, but now she dreaded having to go.

“If Hatter was here, he’d give Kyle the sledgehammer and it would be over,” Alice grumbled to her mother. 

“So what’s to stop you from doing it?” Carol asked. “Challenge him to a sparring match. When you’ve completely humiliated him, he’ll back off.”

“Mom, you’re brilliant!” Alice gave her an enthusiastic hug.

“Don’t hurt him too badly!” Carol called as Alice dashed out the door, duffle bag in hand.

*o*o*o*

Four hours later Alice was back, looking disheveled and sporting a black eye. She was also sporting a huge grin. Carol looked her over, wincing.

“That must have been some match.”

“I totally kicked his ass. It was awesome!” Alice collapsed on the couch. She hadn’t even changed out of her gi. “He got really pissed, but he went down like a ton of bricks anyway.”

“Maybe that was a bad idea,” Carol fretted. She darted into the kitchen and returned with a bag of frozen peas for Alice’s eye. “Is he going to be more of a problem now?”

“Don’t worry, Mom. We came to an understanding. Had a nice long talk afterwards.” Alice held the peas to her eye and sighed happily. “I can still take care of myself.”

“Was that ever a question?”

“No. Yes.” Alice leaned her head back. “I guess maybe I was feeling like I might lose myself, become someone else, if things got too serious with Hatter.”

“Well, that’s true in a way. If you’re with the right guy, you change for the better. You become a better version of who you are.”

“How’d you get so smart?” Alice grinned at her mother.

“Years of experience.” Carol patted Alice’s leg. “There’s a postcard in your room.”

Alice immediately pushed herself up off the couch and headed for her room, frozen peas pressed firmly to her eye. The postcard was propped up on the laptop, a scene of cowboys roping a bull. Alice flipped it over. Bar H Dude Ranch, Clarendon – TX.

_I miss you, Alice. Guess what? I’m a cowboy! I’ve spent a week at what they call a dude ranch. Horses again. It’s a working ranch, so I’ve been shoveling dung and helping with the cattle. Even fixing fences. All this labor, and people actually pay to be here. My favorite horse was a big boy named Malteaser. What a ride he gave me! Are there any horses in New York? There’s just something about riding that I love. Have you been thinking about me? I dream of you every night. Love, Hatter._

Alice tried to picture Hatter, in jeans and a cowboy hat, riding the range out in Texas. She remembered how comfortable he’d been on Guinevere, and wondered how he’d learned to ride. The Hatter she’d met that day in the Tea Shop certainly hadn’t struck her as a horseman.

If only she could tell him how much she was thinking about him, missing him. Why hadn’t he called? After all this time, why hadn’t he checked in? Was he still that afraid of what she would say? 

“Please call me, Hatter. Please.”


	12. New Mexico

Alice woke with a start, sweating and twisted in her bed sheets. Her heart was pounding in her chest, so hard it was almost painful. After much fumbling she got the lamp turned on next to the bed. Alice forced herself to take deep breaths until her pulse rate slowed.

The dream had been a bad one; Hatter always just out of arm’s reach, always walking away from her. And all the time he was calling for her in the most desperate, pain-filled voice, as if he didn’t know she was right behind him.

Alice got out of bed and padded over to the bulletin board, removing the push pin from Hatter’s most recent postcard. It was from Taos, New Mexico and was a photo of Native American women sitting in front of an adobe structure. Of all the postcards he’d sent it was the most heart-wrenching. Whatever Hatter’s intentions were when starting his trip, it was clear that it was getting harder and harder for him to be out there on his own.

_I miss you, Alice. It’s so dry here. I wonder how things grow in the sand, but they do. There’s so much open space out here, sometimes I think I’ll never see another town. Too much time for thinking. You don’t know how many times I’ve wanted to call you, hear your voice. I had a vision of you last night. I’ve been a guest of the Taos Pueblo and they held a sweat lodge. There was so much smoke, it made me dizzy. And there you were, in the little blue dress. I ache for you. Love, Hatter._

Tears welled up anew in Alice’s eyes as she read Hatter’s words. His loneliness was unmistakable. Alice longed to go to him, comfort him, if she only knew where he’d be next. If only he’d just break down and call her. Alice wondered how much longer he thought this was going to go on. It was like he was punishing himself, though she couldn’t begin to guess why.

“What are you doing, Hatter?” she asked aloud. “Why won’t you come home?”

Alice looked at the other postcards up on the wall, looked at all the pins in the map. And she wondered about the other stories, the ones that happened in between the pins. How many other places did Hatter stop? Who else did he find to talk to? She hoped that people out there were nice to him. She hoped no-one made him feel small. She hoped he found some companionship, for however short a time.

Mostly, she hoped he would come home.


	13. Arizona

It was a beautiful, warm day and Alice was enjoying it up on the roof. She lounged on a wicker chaise, soaking up the sun. All too soon the weather would be changing and she wanted to enjoy the last bit of summer as long as possible. 

Even so, sitting still wasn’t that easy. Thinking about the up-coming change of season made Alice realize just how long Hatter had been gone, and as each day passed she became more agitated. She was starting to feel like maybe he wasn’t ever coming back, and she’d just keep getting postcards forever.

Alice was idly wondering how much a private investigator would cost, and how difficult it would be to track Hatter down, when Carol came out on the roof with a postcard and a glass of iced tea.

“Mind if I join you?”

“Sure thing.” Alice moved her legs and let her mother sit down. She looked at the postcard in Carol’s hand, unsure whether she wanted to read it or not. She wasn’t certain she could take much more of Hatter’s heartbreak. It was too hard. But when it was offered, she took it. This one was from the Grand Canyon.

_I miss you, Alice. My new friend Kellie says I’m an adrenalin junkie. I think that means being afraid for your life. I rode in a very small plane over the canyon, which was somehow worse than riding the flamingo. Then it was a jeep tour through something called a slot canyon and a ride on a very big raft down the river. At the end of the day Kellie and I watched the sunset over the canyon. I’ve never seen the like. It was vast and beautiful, and all I wished was having you at my side. I miss the sound of your voice, the scent of you. The way your eyes flash when you’re angry. I have nothing without you. Love, Hatter._

Alice turned her head away, brushing at the tears that had already started to fall. Why was he torturing her?

“Sweetie.” Carol put a comforting hand on Alice’s arm.

“If he’s so sad, why doesn’t he call?” Alice asked. “What am I supposed to do?”

“Do you want to know what I think?” Carol asked. Alice nodded. “I think he’s afraid to call. It’s been too long. He waited too long, and he doesn’t know what to expect from you.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Alice said. 

“He’s a man, Alice. He’s not going to make any sense.”

That drew a laugh out of her.

“If you knew where he was, what would you do?”

Alice looked at her mother, a sad smile on her face. “I’d go there. Right now. And apologize, and beg him to come home with me. I’d tell him…everything I should have told him when I had him here.”

Carol leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Alice’s forehead. She pulled her cell phone out of her pocket. She put it on speaker and played back a voicemail. Alice gasped and put her hand to her mouth when she heard Hatter’s voice.

_Carol. It’s David. I know I should’ve called before this. You’re probably right pissed, and Alice too. I’m tired. I want to come back. Could you call me? Please? Tell me if Alice is still…if she wants me? I’ll be at the Pembrook Hotel in San Diego. I’ll stay there until I hear from you. Please call me._

Alice’s tears were flowing freely now, but there was anger in her eyes when she looked up at her mother.

“Have you been in touch with him? All this time?”

Carol looked hurt. “Of course not! Do you think I wouldn’t have told you? This is the first I’ve heard from David since he left.”

“Sorry. I’m sorry, Mom.” Alice’s anger vanished as quickly as it had come. She played the message back again. In her mind, she was trying to figure how long it would take her to get to San Diego. First, of course, she needed to go online and find the Pembrook Hotel. She had money enough for a plane ticket, and she could do that online as well.

“Go, Alice. Go out there and bring David home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **AN:** Yay! Hatter finally called! If you wondered if Carol was keeping in touch with him all this time, I decided purposefully that she wasn’t. It would have set back her relationship with Alice to keep that information from her.


	14. Reunited

Hatter finished off his glass of champagne. He wasn’t overly fond of the stuff, but since it was included in the hot air balloon package he wasn’t about to let it go to waste. The continental breakfast had been nice, if not overly filling, but his hosts turned out to be worth the exorbitant cost of the flight. And the view had been as spectacular as advertised. Like everything else on this trip, though, it had been bittersweet because he was experiencing it alone.

“Do you have any postcards?” Hatter asked Jerry, one of the owners of Smiles To Go Balloon Tours.

“Naturally,” Jerry replied. He was a burly man with a carefully manicured beard and a perpetual smile. His partner, both in the business and personally, was a tall, broad-shouldered man named Joe; he rarely smiled, but when he did it was worth waiting for.

“On the house, brother,” Joe said. He disappeared into the gift shop and returned with a handful of postcards. “Jerry took the pictures himself. Fabulous, aren’t they?”

“Very nice,” Hatter agreed. He sifted through them, then picked out a nice shot of a hot air balloon silhouetted against the setting sun. He thought Alice would like that one. He’d fill it out when he got back to the hotel.

Jerry propped his chin in his hand and looked at Hatter from across the table. “I can’t help but notice that you seem a bit blue.”

“Just thinking about a girl I know,” Hatter replied. As if any other thought could get into his head. It was always full of Alice, no matter what he was doing.

“Ah. She’s the one.”

“What one?”

“Your one true love,” Joe elaborated. “Your soulmate. Your other half.”

Hatter sighed. “Yeah.”

“So, why isn’t she here with you?” Jerry wanted to know. Hatter shrugged.

“We had a fight. She pushed, I left. I think I made a mistake, yeah? I think she won’t be waiting for me when I get back.”

Jerry shook his head sadly. “Have you been in contact with her at all?”

“No.” Hatter sighed. “Just postcards.”

“You’re an idiot,” Joe said, frowning. Hatter frowned right back at him.

“Oi! What do you know about it?”

“Let me take a stab. You love her, but there was some kind of problem in your relationship. You left to teach her a lesson, but once you got out on the road it turned around on you. Too much driving, too much time to think.” Joe wagged his finger at Hatter. “You started doubting your own self worth, and now you’re afraid she’s forgotten all about you.”

Hatter gaped at him. Jerry clapped his hands.

“Oh, well done! I can picture it in my head, exactly.” Jerry and Joe shared an affectionate look. 

“If she’s really the one,” Joe continued. “She’ll be waiting for you. But you should call her.”

Hatter sighed again. He knew they were right. Joe was remarkably intuitive. He _had_ begun doubting himself, and had thrown himself into as many activities and other people’s lives as he could, trying not to feel that way. Trying not to second-guess his decision to leave Wonderland. What if Alice’s problem had been less about her own personal issues and more about the fact that she just didn’t feel the same way for him that he felt for her? He’d driven across her whole country, running from that thought. But he couldn’t run fast enough.

“Tell you what,” Jerry said. “You go back to your hotel right now and call her. Find out for sure. And then bring her here when you two are back together; we’ll comp you a romantic sunset balloon flight.”

“He’s got a soft spot for true love,” Joe commented. A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “We lose more money that way.”

Hatter looked at the two men and couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. His whole trip had been like this. People from one end of the country to the other had offered their advice and their good wishes. Because of course he’d been able to speak of nothing but Alice. He had e-mail addresses from a dozen people who wanted to know how it all worked out.

“Thank you,” he said sincerely. “Thank you very much.”

There was a round of handshakes and hugging, and then Hatter was on his way back to the hotel. He didn’t mind the driving, not really. The Impala had become like a home to him; he spent so much time in it. And it was easy to find in any parking lot – the previous owner had painted it metallic pea green. There were CDs spread out across the passenger seat – Elvis Presley, some jazz and zydeco, Tim McGraw. The music of his trip.

While he made the drive from Temecula back to the hotel, Hatter planned out what he wanted to say to Alice when he wrote her. He’d do that first, in case his courage failed when it came to picking up the phone and calling. Besides, he wanted to talk to Carol first, get an idea of what he’d be dealing with. He needed to make a plan.

*o*o*o*

Hatter parked the car in the lot and made sure he had his postcard and his pocket-sized digital camera before he locked it up. He’d picked up the camera in Boston; it seemed to be what Oysters did when they took a trip. He found it funny that they felt the need to document even the tiniest moment in some way. Oysters wanted to forget nothing.

As he passed through the lobby on his way to the elevator that would take him to his room, Hatter stopped dead in his tracks. It was her voice he noticed first, probably since it was raised and agitated. His heart started pounding and he felt his skin flush with heat. When he turned he could see the back of her, standing at the reception desk in a pair of faded blue jeans and a red t-shirt. Her long brown hair was pulled back in a ponytail.

“Listen,” she snarled at the harried looking clerk. “I just got off a red-eye flight, _from New York_ , and I’m tired. I haven’t seen my boyfriend in over four months. So I don’t care about your damn policy – I want his room number and I want it now!”

Hatter’s stomach was churning with emotion. He couldn’t believe his Alice was here, right in front of him! But he didn’t know why she was here. Was it to curse him out? Make it up with him? He didn’t know, and the doubt kept him rooted to the spot.

“Ma’am, please try and understand…”

“No!” Alice slapped her hand on the counter and it echoed through the lobby like a gunshot. “ _You_ understand. I’m not leaving here until you tell me what room he’s in. So get on your little computer and give me the damned _number!_ ”

Much as Hatter didn’t want to be on the receiving end of an Alice tirade, he couldn’t help but take pity on the clerk. He started to say her name, but at first nothing could get past the constriction in his throat. When he finally did manage to get it out, it was practically a whisper. But somehow Alice heard it, because she whirled around and saw him standing there.

“Alice,” he said again, stronger this time. God, how he’d missed her! Those beautiful blue eyes, now bright with tears. Her full lips, which just begged to be kissed, were now trembling. His Alice, here to either destroy him with her fiery vengeance or give him a chance, his only chance, to be happy again. 

“Hatter!” Alice ran across the lobby and threw herself in his arms. Feeling something loosen inside him, Hatter pulled her close. But she pushed back out of his arms, her hands on his face, alternately kissing him and babbling.

“Oh, Hatter! I’m sorry, I’m so sorry! I was horrible to you and I’m so sorry I pushed you away. These last few months without you have been hell. But I’m in counseling now, and I’m doing so good, I’m in a really good place now, but no place is good enough without you. Please come home with me! It’ll be better this time, I promise it will be, because I love you and I’m not afraid to say it anymore, and I’m not afraid to change and be a better person.”

Hatter could hardly take it all in, she was talking so fast. But he didn’t miss the key part of that rambling apology. He looked Alice in the eye. 

“Say it again,” he said. She smiled at him through her tears.

“I love you, Hatter. I love you. I _love_ you!”

Hatter swung her around, laughing and crying at the same time. Months of doubts and worries melted away as if they’d never existed.

“Finally,” he said, setting Alice back on her feet. He kissed her again, with so much intensity he thought his heart might burst. Alice pressed herself against him as if she were trying to crawl into his skin.

“I missed you so much, Hatter.”

“Alice. I’m sorry I left you.”

“No. Don’t be sorry.” Alice pulled back and rested her forehead against his. “You were right to go. It helped me. Between you and Mom I got back into counseling. I’m dealing with things now, Hatter.”

Alice kissed the tip of his nose. “I just wish you’d have called sooner.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

“I love you, Hatter. I love you so much.”

“My Alice. I love you, with all my heart I do.”

There was more kissing then, and neither Alice nor Hatter noticed when a tourist took their picture.

“That’s so romantic,” said the woman, who had blue streaks in her hair. “Why can’t my life be that romantic?”

Oblivious, Hatter walked to the front desk to retrieve Alice’s carry-on bag. Together, they walked hand in hand to the elevator. While they waited for their car to arrive, Alice ran her hands through Hatter’s hair, making it stick up more than usual. She touched his face, and poked at his dimple.

“Oh, yeah,” she said. “It’s all coming back to me now.”

And when the elevator dinged and the door opened, they were too busy kissing to notice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **AN:** I love this ending sooo much! LOL! Hopefully you all enjoyed it too. I got this written in record time, because once the idea lodged in my brain it just wouldn’t go away. ::grins::
> 
> Oh, but wait! There’s still one more chapter to go, a little epilogue because I just like having one. So enjoy!


	15. California

Carol came through the front door of the apartment building, a bag of groceries in one arm. Her friend Tamie was coming over for dinner and maybe some Gin Rummy, something they hadn’t done in a long time. It would be strange having the apartment to herself, but she suspected that this was the time to start getting used to it. 

Fishing her keys out of her purse, Carol opened the mailbox. Just a flyer from the Bookworm Book Shop today, and a glossy postcard of the Hollywood sign. Shifting the groceries for better purchase, Carol leaned against the wall to read.

_Hi, Mom! We spent the day in LA doing the touristy thing. I’m sure glad we live in NY, can I just tell you? It’s so smoggy here, and the driving is just awful. Some people stopped us to take their picture with Hatter – they thought he was some British actor from a TV show or something. We’ll be taking the long, scenic route back home. I’ve never been to Mount Rushmore, and Hatter thinks it’s a must-see. We’ll be sure to send you a postcard. And I’ll call you in a couple days to let you know how we’re doing. See you in a few weeks! Love, Alice & Hatter._

There was no stopping the grin that spread across Carol’s face. Finally, Alice was starting her life. A more healthy life, with the man she was clearly meant to be with. She was proud of Alice for taking the necessary steps toward making that happen, and proud of David for not giving up on her.

Carol tucked the postcard into the grocery bag and went up the flight of stairs to her apartment. It would be hers alone now, for the first time since she’d leased it. Even when Alice had gone to college, living in the city with her roommates, she’d come home frequently and often spent weekends there. It was kind of liberating for her, and she wondered idly if now would be the right time to start making her own foray into the dating world. It had been so long…

As Carol began putting groceries away and prepping for the dinner she would make later, she couldn’t help humming cheerfully to herself. She wasn’t alone anymore, wasn’t the only one responsible for seeing that Alice was happy and safe. David would be taking the lead there from now on, and that was fine with her; he clearly loved her very much, and she just had a good feeling about him. Things were working out far better than she’d ever hoped.

“Today is a good day,” Carol declared to the otherwise empty apartment. She poured herself a small glass of wine, and toasted her absent daughter. “To new beginnings.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **AN:** Okay, this is the official end of the story! 
> 
> Special thanks to my long-suffering husband Joe, who was transfigured into a gay hot air balloon proprietor along with his brother-from-another-mother Jerry. If you’d ever read some of their interactions on Facebook, you’d totally understand. LOL!


End file.
